For The First Time
by sincrlyme
Summary: This bit of fic takes place almost immediately after Rachel tells Quinn - in the ladies' room - that Finn had proposed. Quinn is now faced with the crushing reality that she could lose Rachel forever. The series of events that follows are a compilation of firsts; fights, makeups, breakups, and lovin'. *Rated M for certain chapters*
1. Chapter 1

Quinn walked down the quiet hallway. Her hands tucked warmly in the pockets of her sweater. She didn't know why she was so desperate to talk. She felt like she'd be set free somehow. Maybe if she could just talk about it, she wouldn't think about it as much. She reached the classroom where the God Squad held their weekly meetings. She peaked through the window in the door. _I can do this. I should do this. _

She slowly turned the knob and pulled the door open. There was only one person in the room: one person she trusted more than anyone with the information she was about to divulge; one person who wouldn't judge her; one person who took her in when her lies were found out and she'd made a mess of everything.

"Hey, girl!" Mercedes beamed at Quinn.

"Hey…are you busy? I don't wanna bother you…"

"Oh please, it's just homework. This is the only place quiet enough for me to get it done," she smiled. Quinn already felt warmer and more confident in her presence. "What's up? You ok?"

"Yeah!" she lied. "I just…I need to talk to someone. Actually, I need to talk to you. You're the first person that came to my mind. Do you have a minute?" asked Quinn

"Of course. Come on over here," she said as she pulled up a chair next to her and motioned for Quinn to approach. "Speak your mind."

Quinn sat quietly for a moment, her hands neatly folded on her lap. _Where do I even begin? _she thought to herself. "Well, essentially, it's a confession." She paused and thought about how to proceed. Before she could go on, Mercedes spoke.

"Listen, I ain't a priest. I won't ever tell you that you're doing something wrong. You're my friend, Quinn and I'm honored you've come to me with whatever's weighing you down. But really, all you gotta do is talk. It's just us." The sincerity in her voice gushed through every pore in her body. Quinn felt the urge to wrap her arms around her friend. But even though Mercedes meant what she said, she was still human.

"I'm in love. I'm in love Mercedes, and whoever you think it is, it's not them. I know the last few months have been completely unlike anything I've ever been through. Even last year, what with giving up Beth and just bouncing from boy to boy, even torturing people I considered to be beneath me, I've fallen in love and it's for real. I can't keep it to myself anymore. I needed to tell you because I've been holding it in for a really long time." Once Quinn finished, she let out a long sigh. There was a quiet calm that settled over the room and Quinn had no idea what Mercedes was thinking. She had come this far; obviously, she now had to tell her who this person was.

"It's Rachel…isn't it?" Mercedes questioned in a small voice.

"I…what?" asked a perplexed Quinn. "How…I don't understand. How did you know?"

"Girl, come on now. You really didn't expect that to go unnoticed forever, right? The only one who seems oblivious to it is Rachel!" giggled Mercedes.

"So…everyone knows?"

"Well, I'm sure Finn knows…he just doesn't _know, _know. I've been callin' it for a while actually. But I wasn't gonna say anything. It's not my place and until you sorted it out and came clean with it, I just had to sit silently and watch."

"Mercedes…I…I don't know what to do. I can't just tell her…"

"Why not? I know it's not exactly 'moral,' but she's not married yet, Quinn. And you've spent a lot of time battling this within yourself. It wasn't an issue until you realized you can't get over her. You didn't know how much you missed her until you came to the conclusion that she'd never be yours. I know that feeling. I really do, baby girl."

"Is that how it is with Sam?" Quinn asked in a near whisper.

"Yeah…yeah, it is," she smiled. "Come here, baby." Mercedes held out her arms and Quinn gladly embraced her. A wave of security washed over her. She always had a friend in Mercedes, but this meant more to her than she could ever express. The weight of Quinn's love for Rachel was immense and the ability to release it was a blessing. The love Quinn had for Mercedes was indescribable. She was there when no one else was. She was there when Beth was born, when she had no home, and now, when she confessed her love for Rachel. She knew this was a friendship that neither of them took lightly; and they never would. _Now, how to tell Rachel. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Quinn,_

_ I know you have your reservations about my current situation (the secret engagement). And we (you and I) haven't always close. But I do need to talk to you. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. What you said in the ladies' room the other day really has me confused and my need to clarify it has completely taken over. I don't know when you're available to meet, but I'd like for it to be soon. I don't want this hanging over me longer than it needs to be. Let's meet in the auditorium. If you can make it after your last class, that would be perfect. If not, I suppose I'll have to wait until you're ready to talk to me. I'll see you then (hopefully). _

_Sincerely,_

_Rachel*_

Quinn folded up the piece of paper and held it to her chest. She knew the moment was near when she'd have to tell Rachel everything. It wasn't going to be easy; making her believe, trying to get her to understand. But she only hoped for the best. Telling Mercedes wasn't enough. If she wanted Rachel to respond, she'd have to lay it out for her. To place the ball in her court would a relief. Unless…unless, of course, Rachel didn't feel the same way about her. The possibilities were endless, but Quinn knew she was tired of 'what ifs.' _This is it, _she thought. _I'm gonna do it. _


	3. Chapter 3

She opened the door to the auditorium. The squeak from the heavy hunk of metal echoed throughout the empty space. Quinn slowly exhaled. This was the moment she'd been waiting for; the moment where she would show her hand. The news of Rachel's engagement triggered something in Quinn and she knew that before Rachel made the biggest mistake of her life, she'd try to make her aware of her options. She didn't believe in interfering with a marriage, but this was different. She could sense Rachel's desperation when she told Quinn about it, but she couldn't place the source. Was she waiting for Quinn to protest? Did Rachel feel Quinn's hesitation? All the questions she had would be answered now.

Quinn reached the stage and walked up the left side. _I can do this, _she thought. _Just speak…speak the truth. What's the worst that can happen?_

"Hey," Rachel's voice echoed lightly. Quinn's short, blonde hair whipped her in the face as she turned around to find the Rachel coming up the right side of the stage. A smile broke out across Quinn's face, but she quickly lowered her head. She needed to stay focused and staring at Rachel's innocent expression wouldn't help with that.

"Hi. I, uh, got your letter," said Quinn. "Is everything ok?"

"I'm not sure…" Rachel bowed her head of long brown hair; her eyes trained on the floor near Quinn's feet.

_Just do it! _Quinn thought to herself. "Listen, Rachel…I know you're a bit confused with…with what I said and why I said it."

"You're right, I am…and I have my theories…but I'd much rather you just be upfront with me. Even in our most bitter moments, we've always been honest, Quinn." Rachel's brown eyes shifted and Quinn's green eyes darted up to meet hers. This was it and she wasn't going to face it like a coward.

"Rachel," she began by stepping forward to close the gap between them. "I need to explain myself and I need you to not interrupt. It's important that you don't because I don't wanna chicken out. If I can get it all out at once, I feel like I'll have a better shot at it, ok?" Rachel nodded for Quinn to continue. "I know things haven't been…easy between you and me. We started out as enemies and I can't say how much of that was real. When your presence became consistent in my life, I was with Finn…and he was clearly in love with you. My argument for how I treated you was that you were stealing my boyfriend. And to a certain degree, that's absolutely true. But it…" her gaze faltered and Rachel gently place her hand under Quinn's chin and lifted her face until their eyes met again, "…it was so much more than that. It _is _so much more than that." Quinn grabbed Rachel's small hands and held them in hers. "Rachel…" she whispered softly. "I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. And…and everything I've done up to this point, right now, whether consciously or not, was to simply bring myself closer to you." Quinn's voice failed her and she reached into Rachel's gaze trying to find something…a sign that she knew that what she said was true and she meant it with all her heart.

Rachel felt a pang of guilt run through her body. She realized so many seconds, maybe even minutes had passed since Quinn stopped talking. But all she could think about was beautifully vulnerable girl in front of her. She didn't loosen her grip on Quinn's hands. She opened her mouth to speak and tried to will her voice to do its job. _Oh, God…Oh, God! Oh, God…Breathe. Rachel, breathe! _Her voice, her gift…was gone. _Is this real? Can it be real? Quinn? Oh, God…_

Quinn took Rachel's silence as her response. The look of absolute shock on Rachel's face should've done it for her, but she clung to hope. She wanted to believe that Rachel could feel the same way. She gently dropped the brunette's hands and turned to walk off the stage. Before she could reach the stairs, she heard Rachel's advancing footsteps.

"Listen, you don't have to try to…" Rachel's lips, open and unyielding, cut Quinn off midsentence. They were wet and warm. Quinn froze, but Rachel' hands quickly found the blonde's face, then her waist as she pulled her in close, lips still locked. Quinn reacted by wrapping her arms around Rachel's small (six inches shorter than her) frame. She held on tight; lips parted, tongues jumping into action. Quinn turned their tangled torsos around and gently pushed Rachel up against the wall that ran parallel with the stairs leading off the stage. Quinn allowed her hands to run over Rachel's chest before she felt the small woman slowly pull away.

Rachel staggered before she cupped Quinn's face in her hands and gently pecked her on the lips once more. She looked at the blonde without shielding anything from her. For the first time, Rachel felt…free. She exposed herself to Quinn, the girl who'd held her heart for so long. Quinn brushed a stray piece of hair from Rachel's face and looked at her with a longing she'd never experienced before.

"Rachel…"

"Sshh, Sshh," she whispered. Hearing her name spoken from this angel's mouth had a sobering effect on her. "Don't…don't ruin it. Ok?"

Quinn pulled away and looked at Rachel intently. "I don't wanna ruin it. I wanna hold onto it. I wanna hold onto _you_. Please…"

"Quinn, stop it," she replied, brushing her off and wiggling out of the taller woman's grasp.

"Please, just…why don't you come over tonight? We can talk about it. I really wanna talk to you. And I need you to talk to me. Can you do that?" Quinn didn't want to beg, but she couldn't help it. She needed this. She needed clarification. Rachel, rather annoyed at Quinn's persistence agreed and turned to walk away. "You know, I never thought that you might actually feel something for me, too. I never could've imagined it," whispered Quinn.

The small brunette forced a smile, "We'll talk tonight, ok?" And just like that, Rachel exited the auditorium, taking Quinn's honesty with her.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel's heart began to pound in her chest. She promised Quinn she'd be at her house after dinner, but they never agreed on a time. She glanced at the watch on her wrist. _9:47pm. _She spent half the night trying to convince herself that going to see Quinn was the right thing to do…if nothing else, because she promised she would. Her heartbeat migrated from her chest to her ears. She didn't know what the outcome of tonight's conversation would be, but she knew that clarity was the goal.

The small brunette finally reached the front door and pressed the bell once. Silence engulfed the house. Part of her wished that Quinn would have forgotten their meeting. After a moment, the locks on the other side of the door began to turn. There stood the blonde, looking radiant as ever in the simple white dress she was wearing earlier that day. Quinn's hair fell gracefully over her face and Rachel wanted nothing more than to soak in her presence for as long as possible.

"Hi," beamed the blonde. "Thanks for coming." She motioned for Rachel to enter the house.

"Yeah, of course," replied Rachel while she fidgeted with her plaid skirt. "I'm sorry I'm late. I just…" she knew lying was no use at this point. "I wasn't sure I wanted to come, Quinn. I mean…earlier, in the auditorium…" she trailed off.

"I know, Rachel. That's why I'm glad you're here. I figured it wasn't gonna be easy, but…I mean, I just need to be clear," Quinn hesitated. "Let's, uh, go upstairs." The area surrounding them inside the house was dark, save for the light leading up the steps. "My mom's sleeping already, but she knew you were on your way. It's just us, though," the blonde assured her.

Rachel followed Quinn up to her room. She'd never been to Quinn's house and it seemed odd that her first time would be under these circumstances. She was ushered into the room, which was dimly lit by a small lamp on the nightstand near a full size bed. The room had a soft, warm glow that made Rachel want to curl up in a ball under the covers. She caught Quinn staring at her and quickly turned away. _This was a mistake, _Rachel thought.

"So, why don't you sit? Can I get you something to drink?" asked Quinn rather shyly.

"No. No, Quinn. Let's just…get everything out please. The suspense is killing me," pleaded Rachel as she sat on the edge of Quinn's bed.

"Well," she began as she placed Rachel's jacket on a chair nearby. "I think…I thought I was pretty clear earlier. I…I know it might seem out of the blue and completely inappropriate, but I meant every word of what I said." Quinn began to worry. She tried to force it down before she had a full-on panic attack.

"I know," replied the small brunette. "That's what I was afraid of, actually."

"I don't understand," she whispered.

"I was afraid that you meant every word, Quinn! Don't you see?" Rachel questioned, threatening to raise her voice. "If you meant what you said, that means that…it means that what happened earlier is real. It means that you love me and have had these feelings for God knows how long and here I am…_engaged! _You didn't think that relevant information before any of this happened?"

"I thought I had time to…"

"No!" Rachel cut her off. Her face grew hot. Her emotions were out of control. "You thought wrong. There _is _no time, Quinn! You came too late. What makes you think that even if I wasn't engaged to Finn that I'd actually want to be with you?" she finished before she could stop herself.

"I see," answered Quinn, head bowed.

"Oh…oh, no…I didn't mean that. I just…you threw this on me…and I can't…"

"I know it's not fair for me to do this to you. You think it's fair that I've been holding this in? You really think I wanted to feel this way?" Quinn found her courage and began to raise her voice. "Do you really think I had any of this planned? If it were up to me, I'd have left you alone. I would've gone on and lived my life without you, and let you be miserable with Finn! That's what I wanted more than anything. At least that's what I _thought _I wanted more than anything." The blonde let out a long sigh as her temper started to settle. "It _was_ what I wanted before I realized that I can't live another day without you, Rachel. Being in the same room with you isn't enough. I need you. All of you."

Quinn stood in front of Rachel who sat silently. She wanted the weight of her words to sink in. She wanted Rachel to feel them; to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she meant what she was telling her. After a minute, Rachel buried her face in her hands.

"Please…Rachel," Quinn said as she knelt down in front of her. She tried to pry Rachel's hands away from her face, but they were glued. Quinn stopped fighting her and simply wrapped her arms a round the small woman's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you. I'm here…I'm not going anywhere," she whispered into her hair.

"No…" Rachel breathed as she revealed her red, puffy eyes. "No, Quinn. You don't understand. I've always imagined this. I've always pictured what this would be like. I mean, not under these circumstances, but I just…I've never been able to tell you. I always thought you hated me!" Rachel started to cry again.

"Oh, Rachel…I'm sorry." Quinn gently placed her hands on Rachel's shoulders. "I don't hate you. Not even a little bit. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in this world. Please. Please just let me."

"Quinn?" Rachel raised her chocolate brown eyes to meet Quinn's green eyes. Their hearts stopped in unison as the entire world disappeared. "I…I love you, too."

The blonde was off her knees in a second, gently pushing the brunette back onto the bed. Rachel quickly kicked off her shoes and shimmied back so they lay horizontally on the mattress. Quinn carefully put her weight on Rachel's petite body. She traced her face with the tips of her fingers and caressed her gently. Quinn smoothed Rachel's bangs back as she leaned in to plant small kisses on Rachel's lips while Rachel ran her hands up Quinn's thighs underneath her dress. In one swift motion, the smaller woman sat up and pulled off the taller woman's white dress, revealing no bra and a simple pair of white lace panties.

While they sat up, Quinn removed Rachel's blouse and started unbuttoning her plaid skirt, both breathing heavily. Without warning, the brunette brought her mouth to the blonde woman's breasts. She licked the left one lightly and a sigh of pleasure escaped Quinn's lips. Rachel let her hands slide up and down Quinn's back as she tightly pressed their bodies together, leaving room for nothing else but the hot sensation of their skin. Slowly, the brunette let her body fall back onto the bed, bringing the blonde down with her; still latched onto her breast; alternating between the two, gently licking and sucking; her hands firmly gripping Quinn's backside.

Before Rachel could stop her, Quinn shot up, removing herself from the smaller woman's clutches. Green eyes stared intently at the small woman on the bed before kissing her passionately. Her lips moved from her mouth to her neck, from her neck to her chest. Quinn slid her hands behind Rachel's back and unclipped her bra and tossed it carelessly on the floor. The view, the epic landscape that was Rachel's body was perfect. Quinn dove for Rachel's right breast and sucked on it hard as her moans began to rise above an acceptable volume level; Quinn's lips met Rachel's again working her way back down her body, pushing the boundaries little by little.

The blonde knelt on the floor again, pulling the brunette's legs toward her so they gracefully hung off the edge of the bed. Quinn's hands glided up Rachel's thighs and lightly tugged on her black panties; she got the hint and hoisted herself up as Quinn slid them off. Rachel trembled as Quinn slowly kissed and licked her inner thighs. The brunette opened up, formally inviting the blonde in. Before Quinn moved, Rachel placed her hand on Quinn's head to get her attention.

"Quinnie?"

"Yeah..?" she answered, lifting her gaze to meet Rachel's eyes.

"I love you."

A smile crept across Quinn's face. "I love you, too"

"Be gentle…will ya?"

"Not a chance…"


	5. Chapter 5

The alarm rang at 6:45am. Both Rachel and Quinn jumped at the sound. The blonde reached over the brunette's naked body to hit the "Off" button on the clock sitting on the nightstand. They both gave a sleepy sigh. Quinn rolled onto her back and Rachel turned to her and propped herself up on her right elbow. She stared at Quinn whose eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?" asked the smaller woman while drawing small circles around Quinn's bare collar bone.

"I'm so happy," she confessed. A single tear made an appearance out of the corner of Quinn's eye and slid back toward her left ear. "I really can't explain just how much."

"Good. I'm glad," Rachel replied as she pressed her lips against Quinn's cheek where the tear fell. "Don't cry, Quinnie. We're ok," she whispered in her ear.

"I'm not crying cause' I'm sad. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course," smiled the brunette. Their eyes locked. Rachel mindlessly began running her hand up Quinn's thigh, drawing small lines that gave Quinn goose bumps. She giggled and slowly moved up Quinn's body. Rachel's brown eyes tried to soak in as much of Quinn as she could. She didn't know how long this bliss would last. Rachel placed her hand on the blonde's stomach and rubbed it slowly, gently. Quinn placed her hand on top of Rachel's; playing with her fingers when her grip snagged on something. She picked up the brunette's hand brought it to her face. The simplicity of it; the band with the modest diamond glared back at Quinn. Rachel snatched her hand away and shot up from the bed.

"This isn't gonna last…is it?" sighed Quinn, not moving from her position on the bed.

"I dunno what you're talking about. You know I'm engaged, Quinn. We had that conversation last night."

"Right. I'm not an idiot," she sat up, getting frustrated. "But I thought that…I thought the reason you came over last night was to, I don't know, _figure this out._"

"Yeah, well, you see how great that turned out, right?" Rachel started to get dressed frantically. "I can't find my bra!" she snapped.

"Did…did you mean any of it?" Quinn asked, glaring at Rachel.

"I can't find my…what? Are you seriously asking me that?" The brunette felt the sob lodging itself in her throat. A fight wasn't what she wanted. Not now. Not when everything seemed so right a moment ago.

"Yeah. Yes. I'm seriously asking you," replied Quinn.

"Quinn, come on" Rachel shot back. "That's not fair…I'm…I'm confused. I have this ring. And Finn asked me to marry him. I know you advised me against it. But…but maybe if you told me right then and there what was really going on, I…_WE _wouldn't be in this situation." She couldn't help it; the tears came streaming down her face.

"So this is my fault?" scoffed Quinn, throwing her hands up in exasperation. This wasn't at all how the morning after their first night together was supposed to be. The tension in the room was suffocating them both. The silence that followed Quinn's rhetorical question spoke volumes. Sounds that couldn't be heard by their ears bounced off the walls with everything they should have said.

"Listen, I don't need my bra. Just…I dunno. If you find it, toss it. I don't need it." Rachel's tone was sharp and curt. She threw her shirt on, grabbed her shoes as she headed for the door.

"Wait, Rachel! Don't leave like…" _Slam! _Went the door. Rachel was gone and Quinn was right back where she started. Well…sort of.


	6. Chapter 6

Rachel opened her locker. She had never felt more alone. The usual morning crowd was stampeding through the hallway when a neatly folded piece of loose leaf paper fell from the inside corner of her locker. She bent down and gently lifted the small square. Rachel only had a few minutes before class started, but she didn't care if she was late. She carefully opened each folded corner which revealed a beautifully handwritten letter.

_Dear Rachel,_

_ Things haven't been the same since…well, since that night in my room. I'd like to sort this out. I've wanted so much just to talk to you, but I think I've done enough talking. I've been honest and open with you, but you haven't been honest with me. More importantly, you haven't been honest with yourself. We need to have an understanding. I won't be left out in the wind again. I know your situation is complicated. And you already know how much I love…_

"Hey!" Finn's hand appeared on Rachel's shoulder and she let out a small shriek as she dropped the letter. He smirked and bent down to pick it up. "We're late for class. What's this?" he asked, turning the paper in his hand.

"Nothing," she blurted out before snatching it from him. "Actually, it's from Quinn," she stuttered. "Just an apology she wrote me. Nothing serious." He nodded in response and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Rachel stuffed Quinn's letter into her pocket and closed her locker. Finn grabbed her hand as they walked to class. He was going on about some assignment he didn't finish because he couldn't stop thinking about her…but Rachel was too caught up in the letter. She wanted to talk to Quinn. She needed to let her know how she really felt, but what would that achieve? _Hurt, heartache, and Quinn. Most importantly, Quinn…_


	7. Chapter 7

__***Note - I just want to thank you all for following and ****reviewing! It means the world to me. I never thought I'd get any feedback so you've definitely inspired me to keep going. Thank you :)***

_Breathe, Quinn, _she thought to herself. _Don't get your hopes up. _This was a daily routine: telling herself to breathe. She didn't know what Rachel would decide, but man, did she hope. What she prayed for every night; in those moments that God seemed so real, when their hands brushed past one another, when she caught Rachel staring at her from across the room. It had to be real. She couldn't have imagined it. _She'll be here. I know she will. _Quinn thought about the possibility of being stood up but she pushed it aside. She was clear in the letter she stuffed into Rachel's locker.

A car pulled into the abandoned lot and slid beside Quinn's car. She gripped the steering wheel tightly as the door on the passenger's side opened and someone stepped into her car. The blonde turned her head as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"She' not coming…is she?" asked Quinn.

"No. I'm sorry, baby," whispered Mercedes as she placed her hand on Quinn's hand. She was holding onto the steering wheel for dear life.

Silence filled the Volkswagen Beetle. Mercedes didn't have to say anything. She knew her words were superfluous. Instead, she pulled a distraught Quinn into her embrace. Quinn couldn't cry anymore. She just simply let Mercedes hold her and stroke her hair. The only thing that would have been better was Rachel's embrace. But she knew she wasn't going to get that satisfaction. Not tonight, anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

***I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Silly me went to go get married and I got wrapped up in planning. Anyway, here is Chapter 8. I haven't forgotten about you lovelies. Please enjoy.***

They lay silently on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Making the most of the full size mattress, Rachel's left pinky barely touched Quinn's right pinky. The art of making every breath sound nonexistent became something of a thing between them. Quinn questioned her motives for showing up unannounced at Rachel's house after her breakdown with Mercedes. Of course she had a reason to come. She'd been stood up. The slender blonde slightly turned her head toward the breathtakingly beautiful brunette; just in time to catch a single tear falling from her eye, rolling back towards her left ear.

"Rachel?" she whispered.

"Hm?"

"You know you can't marry him, right?" It wasn't a question, but Quinn asked anyway. She knew what this was doing to Rachel, but she was more than aware of what it was doing to _her. _Quinn struggled with touching her for fear that she might pull away again. Rachel sniffled and closed her eyes.

Slowly, Quinn turned on her right side to face Rachel. She picked up her left hand and held it between both of hers as she brought it to her lips. They were warm and soft. Rachel let out a long sigh. Turning towards Quinn, she slightly picked herself up and moved in closer to her so there was no space between their bodies.

The brunette carefully pushed away a small blonde hair that gently fell across Quinn's left eye. She could feel Rachel's heartbeat quickening with each passing second. Quinn placed her hand on Rachel's cheek and slowly leaned in until their lips touched. The air quickly became thick and unbearable. As soon as Quinn began to pull away, Rachel grabbed the blonde's face in both hands and kissed her passionately. Quinn, caught off guard by this display of affection, immediately embraced it and wrapped her arms around Rachel's small figure.

Their body temperatures rose and Quinn could feel herself slipping away. No, not slipping away; _into her. _She wanted her more than anything in the world and for the first time, she felt like she was getting through to her. Suddenly, Rachel ripped herself away.

Panting, breathless, the brunette brought her hand up to her lips. She didn't look at Quinn. They both sat up slowly and Quinn went to reach for her. _Maybe I can help, _she thought.

"Rachel…" she whispered softly.

"No," her response was instantaneous and hurtful. "I can't, Quinn. I'm sorry," she began to sob. "I just can't. _I can't…" _

The weight of her words and the inconsistency of her actions hit the blonde in the gut. Rachel _could_…if only she'd allow herself. But it was no use. Quinn picked herself up and quietly made for the door. She felt the tears festering, but she willed herself to push them away; at least until she made it out of the house. She opened the door and turned back to look at Rachel once more before she said goodbye. The brunette's back at to the door now so the blonde couldn't even get one glimpse of her face. There was nothing else to say. Nothing that could fix this. Nothing that could make the pain go away. Quinn bowed her head at this realization. "I love you," she whispered. And with that, she fled from the house without turning back.

…

A dark room enveloped Rachel. The spot where Quinn lay just moments before was starting to go cold. She leaned over to the pillow where the blonde's head had rested. She breathed in Quinn's scent and her absence overwhelmed Rachel to the point of tears.

"I'm sorry, Quinn," she whispered to herself. "I never meant to hurt you. I just…I'm so, so sorry…"

Rachel rolled onto her back, clutching the pillow with her love's scent. She didn't know what to do anymore. She didn't know what she was doing now. The digital clock on her nightstand read 4:57am. _Has it really been four hours since she left?_ Time seemed irrelevant. She wasn't sleepy, but she didn't want to wake up in two hours. She had to face Quinn. The time would inevitably come. And she had to face Finn. That would come sooner rather than later. She let out a long, sad sigh. "It's now or never."


	9. Chapter 9

She picked her head up for one second. One second she drew her gaze from the floor in the hallway. One second was all it took. It was a sign. A shred of hope that meant everything would be alright. She met Quinn's soft expression staring at her from across the sea of students, but all Rachel could do was drop her head in shame as she continued past her without a single word.

…

***phone rings***

Quinn: Hello?

Rachel: …Hey

Quinn:

Rachel:

Quinn: Well?

Rachel: Please don't be this way…I just…I wanted to hear your voice.

Quinn: Why? So you can tell me that 'you can't' again?

Rachel: I hardly think this is fair, Quinn. How can you be upset with me? I just…

Quinn: Let me stop you right there. I put myself out there. I was honest. And I've been getting hurt, repeatedly…by you!

Rachel: If I remember correctly, _you _were the one who left _me _last night…

Quinn: Because you didn't say anything! You didn't do anything, Rachel! What am I supposed to…

Rachel: Love me! That's what you're supposed to do!

Quinn: Where have you been? Have I been imagined everything that's happened?

Rachel:

Quinn: I love you more than anything in the world.

Rachel:

Quinn:

Rachel: Quinn…I…I don't…

Quinn: Yeah, I thought so.

***click***


	10. Chapter 10

The auditorium was quieter than Rachel had heard it in a long time. This was the best place to think aloud and have her thoughts remain. This was her sanctuary, her safe place, her home. In her hands, she fumbled with the letter Quinn had left in her locker a few days ago. It left her wanting to be with Quinn more than anything. But Finn had caught her by surprise that day, which left her feeling remorse; remorse for potential hurt feelings. Remorse for her own foolishness. _This can't be real. It can't be happening, _she thought.

Over and over, Rachel imagined that Quinn had reached an all-time low in an attempt to break her and Finn up once and for all. A ploy that could only be reached by the most evil souls in which Quinn would confess love for Rachel and pretend to want her, thus revealing Rachel's true heart in a most earnest and open reciprocation of those feelings.

However, the more she played with the idea, the more implausible it became. What she felt every time Quinn touched her; every look, every simple brush, every kiss; she knew that this was something that had not been granted to her since she'd been with Finn. And why had it taken their engagement to procure a reaction from Quinn? Did she think it impossible that he would propose? _Why would she do this to me now? I don't understand! No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. And I don't know if I can live with that. I've hurt so many people in the past. I only want to do the right thing, but I don't even know what that is anymore and it's all her fault! _Rachel's anger boiled up inside of her as these thoughts raced through her mind. She resolved to tell Quinn what she was feeling and she vowed to hold nothing back.

"Are you ok?" a small voice from backstage echoed in Rachel's sanctuary. Quinn stepped out of the darkness with a look of concern on her face. Everything Rachel wanted to say, every angry thought or feeling of uncertainty vanished at the sight of the slender blonde.

"You startled me," replied Rachel, turning away from the open auditorium and bowing her head.

"I just came here to think…but you look like you have quite a bit on your mind. Care to share?" Rachel felt Quinn inching closer and closer until the tips of their shoes touched.

"I don't know," she sighed.

"Of course you don't," said Quinn, rather irritated. She turned to retreat backstage but Rachel caught her hand and pulled her close again.

"I don't know…because this," Rachel put her hand on Quinn's chest, near her heart, "us…it's what I want. Silence. Not the kind that Rachel greeted when she entered her safe place. A different kind of silence that could only be broken by something much more powerful than words.

"What's the catch," questioned the blonde.

"There is no catch." For the first time since they'd been standing there, Rachel's eyes met Quinn's. "I read your letter. I've been reading it every day," she continued. "And you're absolutely right: I haven't been honest with myself. But…but now I think it's time. It's time I was honest with myself…and with you. I don't know if I'm ok because you…have completely captivated me. I don't want to be with anyone else, Quinn."

"You…you really mean that?" Quinn asked, trying not to let the sappiness seep through her pores.

"I do! And I'll do whatever it takes for you to believe that. I promise."

Quinn beamed at the small brunette, her green eyes penetrating the brown eyes that stood a few inches below her. I love you, Rachel. I love you so much," she breathed, closing the gap between them with the mother of all kisses…

"Rachel?" Quinn's voice came from behind her. Rachel opened her eyes and found herself kneeling in the center of the stage facing the emptiness of her safe haven. "Rachel, are you ok?"

"Quinn?" Rachel tried to blink away the tears. She felt herself being pulled up from the floor. Facing the blonde, she buried her face in her hands and began to panic with tears. "Quinn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" she sobbed.

"Sshh…it's ok," Quinn whispered as she held her. "It's ok."

There they stood. Rachel's sanctuary had transformed into a place of mourning. She knew she couldn't keep Quinn hanging on forever. She didn't want to do that to her. It wouldn't be fair. But she didn't want to let her go either. For now, while she let her anxiety out, she let Quinn hold her and tell her it was going to ok; even if it wasn't. Rachel's sanctuary, her safe place, her home, was the place where she and Quinn would part ways. An empty auditorium was where they would say 'goodbye.'


	11. Chapter 11

Quinn stared at her reflection in the mirror. The girls' bathroom smelled of cleaning products and dirty, wet mops. The girl in the mirror was sad, but pensive. She was excused from class because she told the teacher she had a feminine emergency, but she really just couldn't stand being in the same room with Rachel. She was past the point of pain. It was more like a dull, annoying irritation that only became inflamed when she saw Rachel with Finn. Her reflection became misty-eyed. She took the opportunity to adjust her makeup when the bathroom door inched open.

The blonde didn't have to turn around to see who had come in. She simply placed both hands on each side of the sink and bowed her head. Words were useless. She'd used her words countless times before. But Rachel didn't use enough words. The small brunette quietly shuffled beside her, looking at the blonde's reflection in the mirror. Quinn's head was still bowed.

"I know you're mad at me," Rachel began, "but I need to talk to you, Quinn."

"I'm not mad," she whispered in response.

"Sorry?"

"I'm not mad, Rachel. I've given it a lot of thought and…it was unfair of me to ambush you the way I did. I never wanted to make your life more complicated than it already is. I simply wanted to express that you've got options. You're not married _yet. _And although I know I'm not wrong in my desires, the way I handled it wasn't right. And I…I apologize," Quinn finished and looked up in the mirror at Rachel's reflection. Her expression spoke a thousand words; mainly of shock and surprise. But there was something else in her eyes. "Rachel?" she asked, turning away from the mirror, allowing her backside to lean against the sink. "What's wrong?"

"I…uh…" Rachel positioned herself in front of Quinn. "I…" but she couldn't finish her thought. She threw herself into Quinn's arms and started to have what seemed like a panic attack.

Quinn held Rachel tightly around her waist with one hand and soothingly rubbed her upper back with the other. She didn't know what was going on with Rachel. Time and time again they'd been on this merry-go-round. Quinn knew that Rachel's commitment to Finn canceled out her supposed love for her. But at that moment, she didn't care. She just didn't want to see Rachel like…_this. _Quinn knew it wasn't easy. She, herself struggled with the fact that she was in love with Rachel. But her situation was different. She wasn't tied to anyone. She was free to make her own decisions. But Rachel…

"I can't do it anymore," Rachel whispered, lifting her gaze to meet Quinn's. "I've tried. I've _been _trying." The tears wouldn't stop.

"I know. And I won't ask you to. Not anymore. I promise you won't have to deal with this…with me. I just need time to get over you. I need time…"

"No!" The tone in Rachel's voice startled Quinn. The lines above her eyebrows creased and she shook her head. "No, Quinn, you don't understand."

Rachel loosened her hold around Quinn's waist. She didn't let go, but she gave herself enough space to really drink her in. Rachel wanted to see her face. Her perfectly flawless face, her gorgeous green eyes, her smooth lips; she wanted to see it all. Rachel refused to miss this. Her heart began to race. She could feel it pounding in her ears. _This is it, _she thought. Rachel removed her hands from Quinn's waist and placed them on either side of her face.

"Quinn…I love you. I'm _in _love with you. I want to be with you. I can't play this game anymore; this game I'm caught up in…with Finn. I need _you. _I need to be with you. I've been thinking about this a lot and honestly, it doesn't require any thought at all. I'm yours! Please…" she began to cry again. "Please, Quinn…don't try to get over me. Not yet. Let me prove it to you. Let me tell Finn and let me be yours. I'm so terribly in love with you."

Quinn's hands were glued to Rachel's waist. Her eyes locked on Rachel's; who was looking for a reaction. Quinn felt her sincerity. She wanted so badly for this to be real. If it wasn't…she pushed the thought away. She wanted to eradicate all doubt. _This is my life, _she thought. _This is what I've wanted for so long. She _is _my life. _The blonde brought her hands up to the brunette's face and gently pulled her in, planting her lips on hers. Rachel wrapped her arms around her, but Quinn pulled away and looked at Rachel intently.

"I will make you the happiest you've ever been," Quinn whispered only an inch from Rachel's face.

"I know, honey," she replied with a smile as she pulled her in and continued kissing her.

This was how things were supposed to be. Quinn could feel it. Her life was starting now and she couldn't help but be completely wrapped up in Rachel; her body, her spirit, everything about her. This was it. Time was irrelevant. Life would sort itself out. Acceptance was just another silly stipulation. Rachel was so much more important than any of those things. She was worth more than Quinn thought she could give. But somehow, in the midst of Quinn's imperfections, Rachel chose to let Quinn love her. _This is it, _she thought. _I'm home. _


	12. Chapter 12

The hallway was crowded with students. They passed in a blur like stampeding cows as the second bell for first period rang out. Quinn, tucked away in the small space under the stairs that led to the third floor of the school building, watched them intently. She was due in first period English, which she was never late for, but she didn't care. Not today. She felt her palms getting clammy as she waited impatiently for the student body to dissipate. The slender blonde stood tall and pressed her back to the wall that faced the backside of the stairs. When the hallway had gone completely silent, Quinn decided to take a chance and peak out to make sure the coast was really clear.

Not a soul lingered in the empty space. _Not a soul. _She stepped back and continued to press her back against the cold, hard wall. Looking down, she squinted at several dust bunnies threatening to cling to her white and pink floral dress. Quinn leaned her head back until it touched the cold concrete wall. Closing her eyes, the deafening silence echoed in her ears like sirens. She didn't know how many minutes had passed but she knew she couldn't stay tucked away all day. When she arrived at school, she was resolved to stay there until she achieved some results. But the silence in the hall changed her mind.

Just as she bent down to retrieve her leather messenger bag, she took a step forward into the fluorescent lights. _Time for class, _she thought as she felt her body being hurdled back into the darkness under the stairs with a hand over her mouth. Her back slammed into the wall and she gave a loud groan. As Quinn's eyes adjusted to the lack of light, she caught sight of her assailant: a petite brunette with wild eyes and a grin stretching from ear to ear. Quinn's body relaxed when she realized she hadn't waited in vain.

"Where do you think you're going?" whispered Rachel as she removed her hand from Quinn's mouth.

"Rachel!" hissed Quinn. "What are you _doing_? You scared me half to death!"

"We had a date…remember?" The twinkle in Rachel's eyes made Quinn shiver.

"Of course I remember," she whispered back, "why do you think I'm not in English right now?" Quinn looked at Rachel, curiously. Something was different about her. Rachel's long hair rested over her shoulders and down her back. Quinn assessed her clothes and they hadn't changed. Her style was the same; black and red plaid skirt with a black, v-neck, button-down cardigan. She did a double-take to Rachel's chest. The opening from the v-neck plunged down to the area between her breasts. And it was bare. Quinn found it hard to redirect her gaze. Rachel caught on and smiled a devilish grin.

"So…I take it you like my new sweater?" she whispered, looking down at her own chest.

"You look…you look amazing. What's this for?" asked a shaky Quinn.

Rachel stood on her toes and leaned into Quinn until her lips reached Quinn's ear. "It's for you, baby. It's all for you…" Quinn's whole body shook with anticipation.

The small brunette rested back on her heels but kept her body pressed to Quinn's. Rachel breathed small, shallow breaths on Quinn's neck…shoulder…chest…placing small kisses where she'd left her breath. Quinn sighed as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Rachel's small waist. For the first time since their mutual confession, Rachel felt as free as Quinn. The need, the longing, the love; they were all present at that very moment and they'd be damned if they let it slip through their fingers.

Quinn stopped Rachel by gently placing her hands on her shoulders and whispering her name. The small brunette looked up at the beautiful blonde, drunk with wanting. Quinn cupped Rachel's face in her hands and kissed her hard. Within seconds, Rachel felt her sweater being ripped off her body. Their breaths were heavy and the air grew thick instantly. The blonde pulled the small woman into her with her left arm while gently squeezing Rachel's right breast with her free hand. She gasped, a sure sign that she wanted more.

Rachel reached down and began to hike up Quinn's dress with her left hand, while her right hand grasped the back of Quinn's short, blonde hair furiously. The brunette allowed her fingers to glide up the blonde's right leg until she found her bare waist. Rachel pulled her head back and gave Quinn a questioning look.

"What? You didn't wear a bra…and even if you didn't show up, a girl could dream, right?" smiled Quinn. "Panties are overrated anyway," she whispered as she began kissing her again.

Taking advantage of the free real estate, Rachel ran her hand over Quinn's skin, daring to venture lower. There was moisture creeping up Quinn's pelvis. Rachel's excitement was evident when she quickly began stroking Quinn's clit. The blonde moaned and squirmed, but the brunette was adamant. Pressing her against the wall with her hip, Rachel worked on Quinn…starting out slow…being careful to cater to her every gasp, sigh, and whimper.

"Rachel?" whispered Quinn.

"Yes, my love?"

"Don't stop…" she pleaded. "Don't…stop."

"I wasn't planning on it," she smiled as she sucked Quinn's neck hard. Rachel felt Quinn's body tense up while she worked her magic. Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders as she felt her body giving way to a sin sweeter than candy. The blonde squeezed the brunette tightly and Rachel knew she'd done something right. After all that time of questioning herself and Quinn, she knew she was right…they were right. The perfect fit. It didn't matter that they were under the stairs on the school's second floor. It didn't matter that they were missing first period. It didn't matter that they didn't know what the next step was or where life was going to take them. This moment…Quinn was all that mattered. Everything else could wait.


End file.
